Hi guys. Long time no talk.
On June 7th we lost our sweet golden retriever Forrest, and knew that we could never get another dog. We already had the best one. We especially weren’t going to get a rebound dog, because that’s a terrible idea, you tend to not make good decisions and end up with who knows what. I got rid of all (most) of the dog stuff, and put some of the better items we had (nice brush, good Kong) in a place where I wouldn’t have to see them every day, but could give them to someone who was still doing the dog ownership thing, oblivious to the fact that they are in for a world of hurt someday.
The long weekend seemed really LONG without the usual hikes etc., and I developed a morbid curiosity about what even dogs are out there on Kijiji looking to be rehomed (even though we’re not getting one ever again). I mean, yeah, I may have texted about one dog but the lady answered me once then ignored my 8 follow-up questions and ghosted me so whatever, it wasn’t meant to be.
But then out of the blue this Sunday she unghosted me. Long story short. Meet Jack. (Name subject to change without notice.)
Our decision making is stellar, I think you’ll agree. So far, here are all of his qualities:
- He’s cute, but came with exactly nothing. No collar. No shots. No manners. Not even a Ziploc bag of food.
- Has never had a collar or leash on, but now recognizes that’s his signal to lay down.
- Will ONLY ride shotgun, even if there is already a passenger in the said position. No amount of restraint will keep him from clamouring to front, sometimes throwing the car into neutral at 80km hr, and/or standing on the toggle that turns on the seat heater full blast, most welcome during this heat wave
- Filthy ears – mites?
- Countless pees on the floor. Like if we’re outside he runs to the house to go to the bathroom, much the same as I do.
- Inhales his food, so sometimes loudly barfs at 3am in his crate beside my bed.
- Forrest he is not. Forrest used to stroll into the bathroom so he could get patted on the head, while you were “sitting still”. Last night immediately following my impromptu crate cleanup, this one crashed in on me , grabs the drawstring on my pj shorts and played Tug of War, so I couldn’t pull them up. It was a standoff if you will. I had to Winnie the Pooh it back into bed for a precious few winks
- Thinks commando crawling toward a furious hissing senior cat who has only ever enjoyed 4 dog free weeks in his whole life is a solid way to network.
- So smart that he continues to stare and wag excitedly at your ball throwing hand, long after the ball has left your grip and is clear across the yard.
- Loves the taste of noodles, especially the pool variety.
- Has an evil twin, who he growls at and lunges toward whenever it’s nighttime and he can see his reflection in the window.
- Requires virtually no sleep.
I thought you people were my friends. Why didn’t any of you stop me?
Ps – if any of you have any thoughts on where I might have put that Kong and the good dog stuff, drop me a line. I’m so sick of looking!