Social Distance Musings

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Disclaimer #1 – These are not my feet.

OK instead of working out I thought I might write some stuff down this lunch hour, during these weird times.  I’m finding I wake up in the morning and forget, and mentally try to make a withdrawal from the bank in my head where I store the “fun stuff I’m looking forward to” … but then realize it’s all cancelled.  I mean, that part of it is not a big deal in the grand scheme of things –  this too shall pass – but it’s weird just the same.  And opens a whole lot more considerations.  Came up with a quick top 10.

1. I know we’re flattening the curve – coincidentally that’s what is also happening as I stay at home and don’t wear a bra for days on end.  I think there is some ass flattening going on as well, but I don’t want to brag.
2. I feel like if this does pass in a few weeks, you’re going to then see a lot of people casually wearing those toilet paper dresses we’re always forced to make at wedding showers.  They’ll have to use up their stockpile somehow.
3. A thing I hope changes is hand shaking.  It’s weird and unnecessary.  Ever go to shake someone’s hand and it’s wet?  That’s gross.  And again, I’m sorry about that.  Let’s stop doing handshakes.  Let’s just do something cool like 3 air snaps and a twirl. Or at the very least, simple jazz hands.  Pass it on.
4. Question: what happens when your husband doesn’t take the social isolation seriously?  Who can I call to report him when he outright refuses to move into the basement?  I mean, I could possibly entertain a compromise where he is allowed up here for short periods, but under no circumstances can touch the remote.  Please advise.
5. One small positive thing is that I get to one-click unsubscribe from every company I ever gave my email to.
6. I feel like Fitbit should reprogram so that 500 steps a day is the new target.  I keep getting buzzed by mine saying it’s time to walk 250 steps and I’m like, YEAH RIGHT!!! The fridge is 5 steps away!
7. I keep thinking of all the stuff I can get done around here in the time saved not commuting.  Finally!   All the cleaning and organizing.  It’s going to be great.  This place will be unrecognizable. I’m gonna get on it as soon as I finish Netflix, Crave and Prime.
8. Checked my retirement fund and looks like it’s going to be a “Freedom 95” situation for me.  I hope when things get back to normal that the youngsters I work with don’t mind a bit of drool on their paperwork. (That’s actually already started).
9. I saw where people in Italy went outside on their balconies and entertained each other with their musical talents and I was thinking what a great idea that is.  If it comes to a lockdown situation here I would like to do it but I don’t have any musical talents.  I think I’m really good at Zumba-ing (multiple Zumba teachers would disagree), so I might go outside and do some of that on the lawn if the temperature comes up to something reasonable above zero.  This is also dependent on someone cleaning up all the dog doodoo that has emerged from under the snow. Stay tuned.
10. I feel like I might be getting closer to learning French.  Trudeau and all the spokespeople keep jumping between the two languages and I think I’m starting to understand the French part.  So TAKE THAT University Professor who failed me in that course and wouldn’t give me a do-over, I’m not hopeless no matter what you say!

Stay home.  Stay safe.

Au revoir, miei amici!

Disclaimer#2 – Note to all who read this (yes, all 10-15 of you) – I know this is serious business and I’m not making light of the alarming situation.  My thoughts are with anyone who is or has loved ones at risk.  If we all do our part we can make a difference. Hoping that things get back to normal soon, and huge props to all the amazing healthcare, emergency and vital service folks having to navigate this evolving situation.

 

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